Popes, Planes, and Common Sense

I hesitate somewhat to join the excessive noise over Pope Francis's recent gab-fest on a plane because there is just so much noise about it. But sometimes a girl's just gotta blog.

I wish I could be surprised at people's reactions to the Pope's somewhat off-the-cuff comments. I wish less people were jumping to conclusions, overreacting without reading the proper translation, and taking things so personally. The translation is fairly clear and easy to read.

The Pope was going on a bit of a random tangent as he is prone to do while at cruising altitude, and brought up a women he knew who was having a lot a children via caesarean section contrary to medical advise. A few minutes later he refers to this woman when he is asked about family planning and poverty saying that it is not Catholic teaching for Catholics to act like rabbits. Which is true because we're human beings not animals who are slaves to their instincts. This is something the Church has never wavered on but has only become clearer and clearer about: people must use their sexuality in a way suitable to their nature, they cannot separate the reality of procreation from sexual activity nor are they meant to be procreating cogs in some kind of creation machine. Family planning must reflect the dignity of the human person. We are soul and body, capable of making intelligent decisions when we should further our families and at the same time are capable of restraint from engaging in sex. These concepts go hand in hand; if we're against contraception because it denies life, treats the human person below it's dignity, and lacks respect for our partner then we also should make the connection that we're rational beings who are responsible for our families, for bringing new life into the world, for the lives that we have already brought into the world, and for ourselves and our spouse.

The problem with this teaching as with almost every other Catholic teaching is the extremes. It is so hard to get the teaching of the Church regarding family planning right because orthodoxy (to paraphrase Chesterton) is a precariously thin line between extremes. The extreme of using contraception to "plan" a family is an easy extreme that gives us human beings complete control, or more factually the illusion of complete control, over fertility. While the opposite extreme comes into play when people treat family planning as something that doesn't require human decision and input. God's plan for sex and our fertility is for us to be co-creators with him, to choose to open our hearts and bodies to the possibility of life at each and every act of sex while at the same time using our reason and understanding about when it may or may not be appropriate to be engaging in the activity that may make a baby. This teaching is a two sided coin that helps us understand our roles as co-creators with God while being responsible parents.

But again, it is right in the middle of extremes where orthodoxy resides. The Church's teaching doesn't seek to dehumanize us as cogs in God's people making machine with no choice or use of reason when it comes to parenthood, having as many babies as often as possible. But it is equally dehumanizing to rely on artificial means to stop conception as if we had no control over our sexual instincts.

It's really a good dose of common sense that sees the extremes yet realizes that virtue is found in the mean. The important fabric of Catholic teaching regarding family size is no exception to common sense.

As Catholics we've got to employ a little more common sense to everything else. Like the internet, like the media, like presuming the Pope said something and immediately taking offence or being hurt or getting upset. Because just as it is common sense to know that the media today will give their front teeth to catch the Pope saying something shocking, there is also common sense in believing that the Pope is a wise man who knows his stuff. It's a large leap to think that the Pope would want to offend large families and sacrificial mothers after all the wonderful things he's said about large families. He clearly has a great deal of appreciation for large families and is working hard to make helping all families a priority for the Church as a global whole.

And while I know that Pope Francis is a talkative guy who likes to let it all hang out so-to-speak when talking to reporters in airplanes, I also am sure that he does not intends to change Church teaching on a plane ride. Sure, I think that this most recent plane ride offered a lot of low hanging fruit for a media intent on finding imaginary change on fundamental strongholds of Catholic dogma. I also think that the way the media's portrayal of these comments to our society that is largely completely ignorant to basic Catholic beliefs will probably lead to more misinformation and misbelief across the board. Maybe it'll open up more opportunities for us to more clearly explain the nuances and fine line of what real Catholic orthodoxy regarding family planning is really all about, or maybe it will lead to a lot more strangers in the grocery store making snap judgements about me and my close age range of a handful of kids as being "more Catholic than the Pope."

But what if we use common sense to think about these supposed "gaffes"? The Pope is saying nothing untrue, he is simply saying things in ways our spin-saturated Western ears cringe at. They amount to chances to evangelize at best and annoyances at worst. Annoyances that are very small things to suffer and offer up especially when we realize we don't face forced abortions in our country if we have more than one child, we don't sleep in fear that our whole village will be massacred by barbarians because we are Christian, but that we have been given many gifts including freedom and formed consciences in the gift of the Catholic faith and to live our those truths. The Pope's job isn't to make life as easy as possible for us staying true to the faith in the Western world, or any part of the world, the Pope's job is to lead us all to Christ; the Way, the Truth, and the Life -- and we all know that we reach the truth faster when we use common sense.

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Seven Quick Takes vol. 111

Recapping the week with Kelly, visit This Ain't the Lyceum for the bestest (and read how Kelly works out to a certain podcast!).

{one}

Is it still January? Oh, it's January forever you say? This week was fairly unexciting, the weather was horrific, but the week was unexciting. And that's the wrap up for my week, you're welcome.

{two}

Just kidding, I've got 6 more takes to go!

The boys have been hitting the lego pretty hard in these last few cabin feverish weeks, and I can't fault them. They've been creating various flying gliders and things that they keep telling me are extremely important, it's sweet. Gemma is completely into Heidi, and it that feels like a major step because she doesn't really fall into listening to chapter books easily. So far she's been a big fan of the Little House books and now Heidi. I'm going to make her a bookworm yet! 

{three}

Let me tell you what the toddlers were up to this week: emptying drawers, emptying cupboards, spilling baking soda all of the bathroom floor, emptying containers of play-doh then hiding play-doh in bedrooms, emptying laundry baskets full of folded laundry, emptying bags of recyclables, trying to empty the garbage can (can I at least get mom points for not letting them do that?). When you've only got toddlers this all seems to be a big deal, but now I hardly even notice and take the mess for the price of ten uninterrupted minutes. It's a steep price, but I'm willing to pay it.

{four}

There were so many great things to read that I loved this week. Did you read Jenny's post on babies and debt? I completely understand where she's coming from with this post and I think the issue is a big one and very multifaceted. For each person the price of kids and it's importance will be measured against choosing to implement NFP or not, and that's a personal decision. But one solid foundational piece of Catholic social teaching is that the economic system as well as government should never be forcing unneeded burdens upon families, because that makes these choices even harder to make and maybe even takes away the choice altogether. I love that the family is the cornerstone of Catholic social teaching and that it always come back around to how we can best support the basic structure of society. I'm digressing from what Jenny said I think, but I just like that fact.

{five}

Hallie also wrote such a great post that I've honestly been dying to read for probably 8 years. It's something that I've dealt with probably 5 times over and will probably deal with my whole life. It's probably a very personal issue for me and all my issues, but I love how Hallie talks about it.

I love how Hallie talks about most things...as you can tell from my fangirl-ing in this week's podcast episode. I just thought it was such a wonderful conversation and I'm sure we'll want to have Hallie on as a guest again, or every month or so!

{six}

In a little bit of news I got published in a real live, in print, magazine! I had a previous blog post picked up in Catholic Insight, a Canadian Catholic magazine, in their December issue. Kinda a sweet little dream of mine come true. You can't read it online but I'm sure you'd love to receive a real live, in print Catholic magazine in the mail right? You can subscribe over here.

{seven}

Is everyone catching up on Downton Abbey? I definitely found some of the story-lines tiresome in this season, I'm talking to you Mary, but overall I feel as if the season gets better as it goes on and is much better than say, season three. Also, the Christmas special is highly enjoyable if you make it all the way through. Just some tv watching encouragement - because that's the type of coaching I'm qualified for!

Hope you all have a great weekend, I'm praying the husband doesn't get called to work too much because it's his on-call weekend...we'll see how it goes....

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Sex is Complex: Or, Why I Never Write About NFP

I keep having a nagging thought in the back of my mind that I should write more about NFP. More about what it means to an individual, marriage, and family because it effects everyone while at the same time the very inner parts of yourself as an individual. I wish I could write more about the science, because over the past 8 years I've learnt more about the science behind NFP than I ever thought or wanted to, and because the science does matter in the efficacy of methods. I wish I could write about how NFP is great and good but also a cross that impacts every aspect of your life. But I don't because I feel insufficient, somewhat jaded, too deeply mired within the daily complexities of obedience and sacrifice with too little perspective and wisdom.

But I know in not writing about it we make our shared experiences a little less shared and understood. Which is unfortunate because what we need is more understanding and at the very least a little knowledge that we're not the only ones.

And of course, when we really get down to it, when we talk about NFP we're mostly talking about sex. We're talking about how we live our sexuality within our marriage.

I'm just reminded of this lately by reading some really great things about sex, marriage, and in turn NFP going around lately. Hallie Lord recently published an ebook about great married sex and wrote a great article about it here, Simcha Fisher keeps being a sane and wise writer about what sex means and recently wrote about it with great clarity, then Calah Alexander wrote an impassioned article about getting a little support when you're living the Church's teachings about sex. If you notice a pattern through each of these articles it's that it is impossible to break sex from it's consequence -- whether they be great sex, lots of children, how you view the value of another person, how our society treats each other and our offspring; these are all things we deal within a certain context and relationship with sex.

Those of us who believe in the truth about sex proclaimed by the Church believe that it is a beautiful truth that is at a truly unique revelation of God's love for humanity and allows us to participate in his love and creation. It's a truth that never changes, but our lives do and how we integrate our sexuality throughout our lives runs into a lot of hurdles. Even when we truly believe the Church's teaching there is no easy button that makes it is to be obedient to them. We come up against our own weaknesses at almost every turn. Self sacrifice to practice natural family planning, acceptance through difficult times of too-fruitful fertility or heartbreaking infertility, faithfulness in times of marital strife, compassion in times of sickness. Let alone the host of personal issues, relational issues, even issues of how we see and related to God come up when we are dealing with our sexuality in a healthy way. This is because sexuality is part of what makes us human, and just as every part of humanity is called to redemption and grace so too is our sexuality. There is no way around the cross when it comes to our lives, it's how open we are to carrying the cross.

I think what happens all too often though, is an almost "prosperity gospel" idea applied to our sexuality. We seem to think that once we commit to what the Faith teaches and make it to marriage sex will be a consequence free, mind-blowing-each-time party for the rest of our lives. We think it's a biblical promise or something; which probably speaks to our cultural upbringing of entitlement or our fixation on all things sex. We've lost the idea that sex is complex, even in marriage. Since we've lost the concept of marriage as a permanent state, we don't realize the times where sex may not be possible due to sickness, circumstance, marital strife. Or, we often think that marriage guarantees us the magic number of children we want when we want them. We may reject the idea of contraception in pill or condom form, but the toxic ideas of how we should be able to control our lives to live for comfort are deeply ingrained and much harder to rid from our hearts and minds.

For most of us it will take a lifetime of practice to bring our sexuality to a place of integrated holiness. No matter our circumstances, we will always be called closer to God through our sexuality. It's equally important to know that God's truth brings joy, grace, a deep connection with Him along with our spouse, and great sex -- but don't expect that's all God wants to show is in our sexuality. Many of us are living out the truth in varying degrees of difficulty, sacrifice and joy: maybe through living the single life or life with same-sex attraction chastely, maybe through a religious vocation of chastity, maybe through marriage and heroic demands of NFP.  I think this is why I so often back away from writing about NFP and my imperfect experiences; because I mistakenly believe that everyone else is already holy. The truth, however, is there is no getting around the fact that God calls us to deeper holiness through our sexuality, which sooner or later always means the cross.








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Seven Quick Takes vol. 76

I'm going to make myself another pot of coffee and come up with seven things magically, just like Jen!

{one}

This week has blown by in a haze of semi-exahusted stupor. I know, I say this every week don't I? But seriously, peeps just are not sleeping around here! I honestly can't remember what more than three hours sleep at a time feels like. Pure bliss? Heaven? I think I may be getting closer and closer to going completely bonkers. I was in Costco yesterday, and I'd noticed a nice lady in her 40's looking at something in the aisle. She looked so put-together, shopping at a leisurely non-stressed out about who's left at Grandma's house pace, and so darn awake. I wanted to run up to her. Hug her. Then start shaking her violently saying loudly, "You had more than 4 straight hours of sleep last night!! Do you know how lucky you are?!?!" Don't worry. I just went turned and went down the canned soup aisle.

{two}

I was down and out and sick again last weekend into Monday. This month just keeps hammering at me. But my mom had wonderfully taken the older kids and left Nora and I at home so I could sleep when she slept. I spent the afternoon reading Pride and Prejudice for the Motherhood and Jane Austen book club and watching Parenthood and sort of napping. (Does anyone else have this horrible affliction of not being able to fall asleep when you're actually given quiet, peaceful time to do so?? The. Worst!) But what I was getting around to saying was this; I'm having such a nice time reading Pride and Prejudice slowly this go around. Usually when I reread Pride and Prejudice its in a burst of Jane Austen fury and I read it cover to cover in a weekend or road trip. It's been awhile since I've leisurely read it over time. I've been reading a couple chapters every afternoon as a form of break, really, the best kind of break, and it's been so nice. 

{three}


Jenny's doing such a nice job trying to document the difficulties and joys of a mom trying to make herself priority, and I'm going to recommend leisurely reading Jane Austen. It's the only thing I do well in that department so far. I physically cannot get awake before the kids, and I've been having a difficult time transitioning to having children awake so much of the day and homeschooling. That public babysitting, er, I mean public school is so darn tempting when I think about having a quiet half hour. I'm also having the worst time figuring out having people watch my kids while not simultaneously feeling guilty/thinking my children are killing my parents. Basically, I feel like I've got a lot of issues in that department that I'm doing terribly at dealing with. Full confession. Done.

Moving on.

{four}

You know I love me my mystery novels. Love. Probably my favourite literary genre and I'm deeply devoted to Agatha Christie and Dorothy Sayers, but I did come across this link to a great list of classic mystery novels everyone should read. I've read a good chunk of them and can vouch for their essential-ness, but there were a lot I've never heard of, so that always exciting to find! I'd have put more Ngaio Marsh, Margery Allingham, to the list and I also feel The Man Who Was Thursday is a classic in the mystery genre even if it isn't solely a mystery novel. G.K. he's so tricky!

{five}

How do we feel about matte nail polish? I asked this on Instagram last night. I just tried it yesterday and I'm not sure how I feel. It feels a little weird. For some reason I feel as if one of nail polish's most important purposes is making my nails pretty and shiny. So I'm going to try it out and see if I come around. I'll let you know, because clearly this is an important and pressing issue.

{six}

Oh, I didn't want to forget this and I almost did!

If you often have NFP frustrations, issues, difficulties, or serious problems OR suffer with infertility I'd definitely encourage you to begin praying to Drs. John and Evelyn Brown whose Cause for Beatification has just begun. I think we need a ton of saints in heaven to complain pray to when it comes to NFP, and these two people have really contributed the majority of all research and science when it comes to natural family planning. I hope their cause progresses, and I really hope they answer my many pleading prayers. 

{seven}

I swear I had something to write here and it's flown right out of my head! I'm heading out to give the non-talker and the non-sleeper a sled ride while the bigs are out with daddy. 

Have you vote, vote, voted yet?? You know you want to...

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Seven Quick Takes vol 63.

Joining the Seven Quick Takes Greatness as usual!

{one}

Another week has flown by. I swear sometimes I blink and a week is over. Or maybe it feels like blinking because I'm getting little sleep?? Possibly. I know other weeks can drag and drag but this one has flown. I was busy with sick kids, the regular amount of school, and just trying to keep things afloat. I'm getting used to this keeping things afloat stage, but its making it almost impossible to even imagine having more time to do different/other things. Not really a complaint, it just feels as if sometimes 100% of my energy goes into just keeping things afloat. I guess I want more spectacular outcomes from such large amounts of output. I mean, keeping five kids alive is no small feat, so really I should count it successful. 

{two}

Turning to more important matters, I was touched by reading Mandi's post this week about the recent loss of her baby in a miscarriage. It seems as if many of my friends and family have expereinced this type of loss this year and it is such a difficult part of life that to deal with. I know there is nothing I can say to help that pain, but I wish I could help them even a little in their time of grief. I've been praying daily for these intentions for a while now, actually every time I'm pregnant the immense importance of life in the womb always hits me a little deeper. With every pregnancy I think I've added different ways to pray for different mothers, pregnant mothers in difficult circumstances, mother's who've lost children, mother's who struggle to conceive, mother's of sick children, the list goes on. I think that as I gain more experience as a mother I hope my heart is growing to understand other mothers better. I hope its teaching me to pray more. It goes to show that motherhood requires bravery and strength. 

{three}

Its the Feast of St. Luke today! Since its his name day Luke gets to decide what special treat he would like me to make for him and his request was "chocolate cupcakes with green icing". It's been his request for anything special for about the last two years. I can't convince him that anything else will do. 

It's funny that after we named Luke I realized that I've always really liked this saint. I have always appreciated the Gospel of Luke a little more than the others. Which shouldn't be something you admit should it? But I've always like the Marian slant of his Gospel, the Magnificat, the little details of the life of a woman and mother in such a momentous time in history. I also really like imagining St. Luke painting an icon of Our Lady. 

{four}

I made the mistake of starting Simcha's The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning last night at around 10. I stayed up and finished the whole thing. It was so great! As someone who carries the cross of NFP daily, it was so comforting to read from someone who so perfectly understood; who wrote understanding the myriad difficulties, who didn't diminish the sacrifice and mistakes involved, who spoke to the good things that are born from sacrifice even when we don't see them.

It's exactly the type of book on NFP that is needed. It doesn't get bogged down in logistics or theological nit-picking or pointing fingers or method slogging or trying to convert the uninitiated. It speaks to the beauty of sex, relationship, marriage, sin, family, and our relationship with God. Even if you don't practice NFP right now, this book is such a well stated and intelligent discussion on sex and marriage that it's more than worth the read. Of course, Simcha writes with her usual amount of brilliance, insight, and humour which is perfect for the subject matter as it makes for an enjoyable and engaging read of what has been uncomfortable or dreary in the past. 

I really think any married Catholic should read this. This book is an important one in that it is probably the only book the deals with this subject matter with right Catholic thinking in an approachable way. I also think this would be a nice read for any priest as well. The more priests who are familiar with the practices and pitfalls of NFP the more they can help us in the trenches.

I know I'm one of Simcha's biggest fans, but I loved this book. I cried, I laughed, it made me think. 

{five}

So I just thought I'd throw my two cents into the ring, because I just read Kendra's thought's on that Matt Walsh stay at home mom post. I'm sure everyone's read it, and while I liked the post because it was such a strong proponent of a mother's value in staying at home with children, I also don't know if that post really spoke to anyone other than the choir. Which is pretty much his style of writing, I don't think he reaches out and changes minds, which is fine, but I think that's why it also spurs the gut reaction from working moms.

First off, every working mom I know is wonderful, loving, hardworking, and caring. Their kids are great too. So I understand, sorta, how they don't want all this lauding of the stay at home mom. But the thing is, and I haven't reread his article so maybe he does compare more, but I thought his main point wasn't in comparing the two but in simply pointing out that a stay at home mom really works hard. He's saying it not because working moms are slackers, because that's obviously not true, but because somehow there are still people out there who have the bonkers idea that stay at home moms lounge around all day and are bored idiots. Its not about comparison its about educating people who are somehow completely ignorant. 

Workings moms don't face quite the same thing because as soon as they say their job position they convey the idea that they spend their time in a profitable activity. In other words people assume they work. When a stay at home mom says she's a stay at home mom some people look at you and say "Well, that must be nice to have so much time to spend with your children," as if you're on vacation at Club Med all day. It also can just illicit a plain rude and patronizing disrespect from strangers because we somehow are lazy and unproductive with our time. That's why stay at home mom's are excited when people defend the work they put in at home. Not that they think working mothers don't feel the same way about their kids, or don't do as much work at home, or spend quality time with their children, it's because of the general disrespect of the idea of staying at home must involve no work somehow. It's obviously an absurd proposition, but it exists somehow.

And this all happens because we live in a society that doesn't value motherhood. When abortion happens in the millions each year, there is no proper value on motherhood period. Not stay at home or working mothers, but mothers in general. We reduce motherhood to some kind of production or commodity or hobby. Not a vocation that is inherently respected, protected, and lauded. That's just the world we live in and that's why this misunderstanding happens again and again and again. 

{six}

Ok, lets go in a completely opposite direction now!

There's still no snow on the ground! Which for Canada is kinda a big deal. Last year at this time there was already snow and it was not to depart till say, April, so I'm thankful for each snow-free day from here on in. I think this winter may be the toughest yet for me. I'll have five house-bound babies. Most of which are so very loud. I'm thinking we should just build a soundproof room I could put them all in for a break once in a while. I'm going to need perseverance to make it to Spring. And maybe a trip to Mexico.

Every day there's no snow on the ground I'm still insisting the babes go out and play. They're already getting bundled and its already ridiculous amount of work making sure everyone has proper headwear and coats. But I'm still doing it dammit!

The kids all got to enjoy watching my dad load cattle on Monday, which led to big excitement for the boys. They were bundled up watching them, but the sun shone so I even took Nora out and she grumpily watched from the sidelines as Max even sat still while the calves galloped onto cattle liners. So at least we're taking some small advantage of these last snow-free days.

{seven}

Well, its good to be making a blogging contribution this week. It makes me feel a touch more productive and little less like I'm living under a rock. Thanks for your precious time in reading, I still marvel at the idea that people read my ramblings. Its a beautiful thing. 

Happy weekend everyone! I'm off to make some chocolate cupcakes with green icing...

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