If My Needs Come Last Then I'd Rather Just Eat Potato Chips

You know what I suck at? And really, really, really dislike?? Taking care of my health and eating habits.

Why does it feel like such a chore? Why so torturous? Why does it seem I spend the majority of my time feeding my children yet can't muster up anything for myself until about 2:30 in the afternoon with a scoop of peanut butter?  Why? Whhhyyy I ask you!!??

And I'm not going to blame it on kids-completely! Because I find it so irritating when people claim they can't shower, or put on clothes other than sweat pants because they have kids. I've got 5 of em, and I'll shower whenever I want to dammit! So I do realize this is part my laziness and self discipline problem, and part my own not making this all a bigger priority. But I'm going to whine anyway!

If you're reading this and you don't as of yet have offspring, feel free to roll your eyes.

But really, isn't it a drag having to make your own lunch after making lunch for four picky toddlers, then spending another half hour nursing the baby??

Am I blowing this out of proportion? Don't answer that.

I sometimes feel like its a waste of my precious time. You know those precious moments when no one is asking you for something? Or no one has a diaper that needs to be changed? Or no one needs to be cleaned, kissed, thrown in the corner? These are precious moments!! I don't want to spend them assembling some gluten-free, tasteless pile of mushy protein!

I want to spend those precious moments staring off into space. Or reading a blog. Or reading a book. Or ignoring the growing mound of dirty laundry. In other words if I'm not meeting someone's need I just want a break from all needs-including mine!

The problem is I'm going to have to make some really annoying diet changes in order to try and crack the code to my NFP/crazy body problems. Its going to put an end to my breakfasts of only carbs, and my lunches of only potato chips. I'm not quite that bad...but fairly bad...

I'm also the worst about feeling guilty about making doctors appointments for myself. Yesterday I just had to run into town to go to a quick doctors appointment for a really annoying ailment that's been bothering me for weeks. But I simultaneously felt guilty for having to have my sister watch the kids, and frustrated that a stupid doctors appointment ate up my only child-free moments of the entire day.

I don't know why this feeling comes up especially with doctors appointments. I think its because I view myself as a fairly healthy person who doesn't need to waste my time or public health dollars unless I'm on death's door or need an amputation.

Let's hope I move in the direction of improvement...even slight improvement...

And let's hope that this is the only instalment of complaining for the duration of the epic 7 days of posting!

Sometimes The Sacraments Are All A Mom Has

St. John Vianney by Michael O'Brien

A recent post by Kendra from Catholic All Year got me thinking about how important the Mass is not only to our children and our families, but for us as moms personally.

Kendra's post was heartbreaking in that a parish priest asked her to stop coming to Mass with her child. This breaks my heart for so many reasons. Of course a child of all people should be welcome at Mass at any time no matter what the behaviour! Of course a family should be supported, encouraged, and frankly, lauded for bringing their family to Christ and the Church! And a mom coming to a weekday Mass with her small child I think should be regarded as a minor miracle by any and all priests!

But what especially breaks my heart when I think of a priest discouraging a mom from attending Mass is when I think of all the times that I've gone to Mass and the Sacraments in times where that's all I had. 

In times of spiritual struggle it can be incredibly difficult as a mother, and I would say almost impossible, to get any personal prayer time. And I mean the type of prayer when you need your soul soothed and comforted. Our whole lives are an act of prayer in service of our children as mothers, and I know I've spent many an hour praying "Jesus, I trust in you" over and over as I rocked and rocked a screaming infant. Or tried to pray the rosary while up all night with a sick toddler. Or the many, many times I throw up petitions during the day in moments of frustration for patience and love when I feel I have none. But the real personal prayer that comes from simply spending time in silence waiting for the Lord to speak, or even just touch our heart in the quiet of adoration or personal devotion, are hard to come by as a mom.

There are so many times where I have felt completely spent, exhausted, and frankly, left not knowing what to say to God, but I still went to Mass and just allowed myself to come close to Christ. Physically close. Leaving all my failures, trials, and attempts at virtue on the altar in sacrifice. Many times, when times are tough and my faith feels small the sacraments have been what have held me together. Heart and mind, body and soul, as a mother and a wife. When I don't know what to say to God about His plans for my life, when I don't understand what He's doing, the Mass still makes sense, the Mass and the Eucharist still prop me up. The grace still flows even when I feel incapable of accepting it. There have been times where its the only time all week I've given my heart time for Christ.

I know that many moms don't have a Catholic support group or Catholic mom's to help them or talk to. I know many moms aren't married to a man who shares and understands her faith with whom she can lean when the ardors of faith aren't there but the crying of children never stops. I know many moms don't have a spiritual director who can help guide them through the confusing feelings, hormones, and thoughts that seem to muddle God's reaching out to us. I know many of us don't have the time or ability to get to adoration, pray a rosary alone, or even sit in silence to reach out to our Lord. But in all circumstances the Mass and the sacraments remain the same. Perpetually open to our tired hearts, our failed attempts at love, and our confused and muddled souls. A direct, physical, personal shower of grace that feeds us and sustains us no matter what.

So even when we only hear five minutes of the entire Mass due to trying to help our children from climbing the walls and screaming, even when we don't think we've offered our full attention, we still fully receive Christ. He keeps us going through another week, another day, another moment of being a mom. Even when the Mass is all we have in our prayer lives, it still gives us all we need.


(I've already waxed poetically about how I feel about cry rooms-boo!, and bringing children to Mass-yay!, if you would like to check that out as well! I'm also linking to Jen's crazy idea of blogging everyday for seven days-I have little confidence I can do it!)

What I Wore Sunday-July Edition

Jumping back on the WIWS bandwagon with the Fine Linen and Purple ladies because I need as much help as I can get in this blogging everyday business.

And I got dressed to go to Mass...so this qualifies?

Here we go.

I still don't know how to feel about the "midi". It feels like such a fine line between looking trendy and looking amish. And I'm not sure which side of the line I'm on.

      

Here's a Grace homage, and a look that accompanied a conversation with the husband taking the photos which isn't WIWS appropriate I think. 

The deets:

Skirt: Asos

Shirt: A million years ago, possibly from Superstore...ok, it was from Superstore. 

Belt: A million more years, at least two babies ago, from Winners?

Shoes: The usual dependable wedge.

I had accessories but a certain Max broke them during Mass.

Go find better outfits here!

Seven Quick Takes vol. 51

Linking with the Great Takers!
Thanks to Jen as per, and I'm glad she's a bloggin' again!

And this week's takes come with the added bonus of completely random pictures-yay!

This is one of his favourite toys...who am I to judge?

{one}

Its swimming lessons week up in here! 

Its kinda nice living in a small, small, town and only having the option of local swimming lessons for one week per year. It feels like it does away with a lot of parental guilt that I'm not pushing my kids in more lessons more often. One week. Covered and done!

{two}

So my husband took the week off because he knew I'd just be unable to take the older kids to swimming lessons with the two babies. He's been sitting at the lake with the older kids for 4 hours everyday and not even complaining about it. The kids are in bliss. He's also admitted that staying home with these children is a lot more work than his work. Of course I knew that, but its good he knows it too.

Because a cute Dom picture makes everyday better.

{three}

I guess this week qualifies as a "stay-cation" for him. But we're not applying these kind of labels because it just feels disappointing. Staying home is a vacation? Staying home with our kids is a vacation? Yeah, lets not even try to fool ourselves people. 

{four}

Although two adults have been home all week we've been surprisingly unproductive. I honestly don't know where the time's gone. But at the same time isn't that the point of summer? To just live and not be productive? Not have to account for your time? We've played, cooked good food, hung out with family. That's the end game of summer am I right?

{five}

There are flies in my house that are driving me to distraction. Don't insects always seem to prove God's existence to you? How could these things come from nothing? They're so annoying they must have come from an absolutely staggering creative mind. 

She's a fairly serious baby, but her little smiles are pretty awesome.

{six}

I'm sure you're all dying to know that I'm finally getting my haircut this aft! Apparently the crazy hair dresser in town thought I was someone else and was trying to avoid said someone else. I'm not quite sure how this could happen, but it sorta makes me laugh. I'm not really sure if I should be trusting my hair to this person, but I'm desperate! How bad could it be? Famous last words.

{seven}

I feel like I've read intelligent things this week but have no recollection of what they were. I haven't gotten much sleep this week and I think this is one of the fun by-products. And I think I may try Jen's blogging challenge next week. I can only imagine the inane things that I may be forced to write, but I've never had a lack of opinions just a lack of time in which to opine. So hang on to your seats peeps!

Also; still haven't written up the afternoon/evening section to my Morning Minutiae post. I don't know if I can do it. But I did write up a new "about" page - and when I say new I mean I've never written one for my blog before. And I don't know if this is the keeper. Let me know if its horrendous, ok? 

Thanks for plugging along with all this, I wish you all a weekend of much fun and few insects!

A Day in the Life with 5 kids - Morning Edition

Sometimes people ask me how I do it. You know, keep five children alive. I usually answer completely truthfully with, "I don't really know." Basically we just live, and I'm nothing but a lover of routine which helps immensely in taking care of five littles. My days look pretty similar and usually resemble a fairly loose routine carried out almost everyday, bouncing from meal to meal, nap to nap. I'm sure this is the case for most moms to young children, I'm just the mom to five aged 6 and under! Its a lot of keeping all the balls in the air, the balls being children not putting themselves in mortal danger. Or an even more accurate metaphor; keeping all the razor sharp, deadly swords in the air.

I know I'm about a year behind the trend in sharing the minutiae of a day in the life, but I almost wanted to do this for my own memory to look back upon and marvel at my own survival skills. What did it really look like all those years ago with all those babies?? Plus, I really do enjoy reading other mom"s retelling of their days, it makes me feel normal!

So heres a refresher for everyone: Gemma's 6, Dom's 4, Luke's 3, Max is 18 months, and Nora is 3 months. We live in the country, far, far from any neighbours and have a very large safe yard. My house is extremely open concept and our computer is in the kitchen in the middle of everything. There. That pretty much covers my neglectful sounding parenting.

This is a pretty standard day, with maybe my kids behaving a bit better than average. Isn't it amazing how little I get done??

This is my scared morning face.

4:00 am - Nora wakes up. Get up and bring her to bed, nurse her in bed, she falls back asleep after I do.

5:30 - Husband leaves for work. I think I woke up to say goodbye...

7:33 - I hear Max crying, I roll over and start nursing Nora, its essential to survival that she's tanked up before facing the crowds of starving toddlers. (For some blessed, but unknown, reason the kids are sleeping later in the summer, maybe because they're constantly playing outside and are staying up a little later-but whatever the reason, I'm not knocking it!)

7:47 - Get up, change Nora's diaper, get Nora lying on the couch. Get Max up, ew, he's already got a really poopy diaper. Get the kids up. Dom and Luke have moved their beds across the room. Super! Change disgusting Max.

7:55 - Send Dom and Luke to the corner because they're already climbing on Nora for the second time today totally ignoring my first two warnings.

7:57 - Start cooking some oatmeal.

8:03 - Empty the potty that was in the kids bedroom (I know this offends many people's sensibilities, but when you have 3 kids sleeping in one room and don't want them getting out of their room every five seconds and/or destroying the rest of your house while you sleep you let them have a chamber pot for the night and teach them they can't come out of their room until mommy wakes them up in the morning), help Dom and Luke find some clothes. Insist that they don't need socks. Its going to be 27 C degrees out today!

8:16 - Breakfast is finally served, after sending Dom to the corner for fighting with Gemma over a toy camera, Max finishes tantruming which began upon seeing he has to eat oatmeal for breakfast.

8:20 - Everyone's halfway satisfied with their meals and I've answered about 50 million different requests for fruit, juice, wonderings about the weather, daddy, more juice etc, and I check facebook.

8:30 - Nora has grown weary of this "just lying here stuff", I pick her up.

8:35 - Max declares himself finished, or at least thats what I interrpret his upset screams and smashing of the kitchen table to be. Down goes Nora, I gotta hose Max down.

8:46 - I've just talked Max off the emotional breakdown cliff with some fine distraction work. He's now outside on the deck in only a diaper with his blankie. I turned on my coffee. And then I got the boy's small basketball net on the deck for them...which will probably come back to bite me in no time. Gemma is also pouting because I told her to play with her "computer" out on the deck which apparently is not cool because its "harder" outside. She really should be working on logic on that "computer". Oh, and Nora's now in the swing in hopes she has a short nap.

8:57 - I've got my coffee in the French press, Max is trying to break through a window screen but, whatevs, Nora is resistant to sleep. I'm going to read a blog post, dammit, - just one!

9:04 - No blogs got read. My coffee is poured-but no!-someone needs a "wipe".

9:12 - I've tried to make it back to my coffee but everything is conspiring to keep us apart! I emptied the bathroom "garbage" aka diaper pail, took the dirty kitchen laundry...don't even ask...and dealt with Max who woke up on whatever is the worst level of "wrong side of the bed". He goes from one thing to the next being equally unhappy, until he decides to hit up the source of all fun;  under the sink. Not cool. But Nora's fallen asleep!        

9:17 - Someone else needs a "wipe".

9:21 - The big kids have decided to go out and bike. Max cannot be left behind! I put on his sandals (the older ones can put on their own sandals, Praise the Lord!) and hope for the best...but mark my words...

9:33 - I've been looking out the window every couple minutes to check on them, I looked out a couple minutes ago and Dom and Luke have climbed onto the top of the truck cab. What would they do with a larger block of unsupervised time? I shudder to think. But hot wiring that truck certainly seems within the realm of possibility.

9:38 - I take down a basket full of dirty laundry and run a load.

9:42 - Book reading and I get Max dressed. I usually try to get each kid to pick one book that I'll read to everyone, usually from a stack of ordered library books, and our collection that I try, but usually fail at, switching up every so often.

10:04 - Nora's up and ready to eat, I nurse her and try not to get crushed by Max who loves jumping on me while I nurse. The other kids are reading their books.

10:10 - Ok, the boys have all have gotten my kitchen utensils and are going crazy with tongs and spatulas and doing something to make Max scream. My Max patience is spent, thankfully its nap time, Max goes to bed. I go back to nursing the poor bambino.

10:26 - I start a little do-do-do-da-Dora, Dom and Luke can't watch because they didn't listen to dad last night so their punishment is no cartoons this morning. Which is really punishment for me who has to listen to 20 minutes of perpetual whine.

10:29 - Change Nora's diaper, get her dressed, start the sink to maybe do some dishes.

10:36 - I attempt to make my breakfast smoothie since I just realize I haven't eaten yet today, on the way to the blender I discover someone has spilt the remains of a bag of Shreddies all over the floor. Excellent. Clean that mess up.

10:46 - I made my smoothie, Nora's grumpy and wants to be held so I'm going to sit for a minute and hold her and read some internets-lets see how long this lasts!

11:09 - Nora's fussy and not digging being held or bounced right now. Let's try the good old swing. Not so much either. Dominic needs a banana, Luke wants a second banana. I wash a couple dishes and wash down the really sticky kitchen table.

11:16 - Big kids are given the choice of colouring or outside. They take colouring. Which is ok because its going to be hot out today and we'll be outside a lot once the babies are up. They all fight over what to colour and what to colour with. I pour myself another coffee. And I click clack a little blog post.

11:36 - Dom's done and needs me to give him tape so he can hang up his picture on his closet door. Luke's drawn on the wall with marker and I need to give him a wet cloth so he can clean it up. I sweep the floor because its distugsting.

11:50 - Gemma's still colouring with a gusto, the boys are outside playing with mud.

12:04 - Ok this kitchen is a disaster, I feel it turning on me. I better attack it while the kids are out and the babies are still sleeping!

12:14 - Max is up and dying for food. Nora isn't sleeping and fussing. If I get Max happy I can bolt outside and put Nora in the stroller for a walk. Oh wait, I'm not dressed.

12:22 - Max is happy! Geez, why does it take a nap to get to this point child?! He's eating a granola bar and trying to get the lids off the markers the kids left on the table. Dom's at the door with flowers for me. I'm still not dressed.

12:25 - I get dressed, throw my hair in a ponytail, grab grumpy baby. She goes in the stroller, and falls asleep as soon as we start moving, the kids run around, Max gets distracted with mud. Without stopping stroller movement I grab Max with one hand and start dragging him in the direction the kids are walking in, we do a quick loop around to my parents house and back home.

Next: lunch!

Seven Quick Takes vol 50

Joining everyone at Conversion Diary with the Quick Takes!

I think this is officially habitual...

I am so happy for Jen and the finishing of her book! I hope she had multiple celebratory beverages!

{one}

These are going to be uber quick because I have a day long date with costco. You think I'm joking but I haven't done a big grocery shop in months and its going to take a while and I'll fill my whole suburban mark my words!

{two}

Today officially begins my husband's full week off!! Yay! Streamers! Balloons! Confetti! 

Are we going anywhere for vacation you ask? We have five kids we're not looking for further work and strife thank you very much. But it will be a nice relaxing-ish week for both of us...hopefully...

{three}

I believe there's a worldwide conspiracy keeping me from getting a haircut. I haven't had one since January and my hair is driving me crazy. Between my complete inability to get to the city and have baby-free time to get on, the hairdresser in our small town NEVER calling me back (Have I been blacklisted or something?) and this summer being the most humid in Alberta history I basically am the ponytail queen. Its a sad state of affairs my friends.

{four}

If and when this magical haircut happens I want it to look like this:

And I'll take that whole outfit please! I've got my own cute baby so I'm good there.

{five}

I still haven't finished Lumen Fidei yet. Worst Catholic ever award. 

If you haven't heard the hubbub over Brandon Vogt's attempt to make the encyclical downloadable only to be thwarted by stick-in-the-mud bureaucrats within the Vatican and USCCB then please go check out his website and sign the petition/comments to try and get this rectified. I know its complicated and a lot is involved, but in this era of technology and the New Evangelization can't we at least try and get it out to people in any and every form?? Its ridiculous that this is holding up the Pope's teachings being spread to anyone who wants to read! 

{six}

We're done painting the basement, minus the boy's floor, and I really want to put photos up because I think it looks smashing but I've been a harried mess of not having time to take one photo down there this week. I was avoiding the basement in hopes the laundry would just disappear, but to no avail. 

But soon! 

{seven}

The kids have had a fun week of outside time, Grandma time, new kittens, and tomorrow cousins! I think this all means that I had a pretty good week too. I mean there certainly wasn't any haircutting going on, and more humidity than I can usually take in this sub-arid land, but overall pretty good! 

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

What We're Reading Wednesday

Books + link-up  = Me all over it!

I'm sure you're completely gobsmacked that I'm linking up with the lovely Jessica of Housewifespice for her smashing new linkup because I just hate books.

I'm really excited by this naturally. And Jessica has always done the nicest reviews of books. They're fun, short, she doesn't apologize for her opinion-I love 'em. And its such a nice idea to start it in link up form!

Here's what we're reading this week:

Hansel and Gretel by Cynthia Rylant with wonderful illustrations by Jen Corace. I've been trying to delve into more fairy tales with the kids in their picture books so we start in the general direction of having a good foundation of fairy tales as we do a little more homeschooling. This is a really beautiful edition in which Rylant doesn't add anything untoward but maybe puts a little more emphasis on evil and wickedness sometimes wearing a smile and being covered with candy on the outside. I think the pictures are quite pretty and the bright colour is wonderful. 

Is it weird that I want Gretel's outfit on this page? Sorta.

The Steadfast Tin Soldier also by Cynthia Rylant. I ordered these from the library a few weeks ago and by coincidence they both came in on the same library stop, but the kids have enjoyed this book as well! This is a funny little Hans Christian Anderson tale which the kids don't seem to see as quite the black and white moral play like Hansel and Gretel but they keep asking for it so that's a good sign! I believe Gemma did ask me after a reading "Why would the ballerina want to be melted into the soldier?". Again the pictures are pretty and colourful and the retelling is easy to follow without over simplifying the beauty of the story.

And I'm still reading The Paris Wife  by Paula McLain. Its the novelized version of Ernest Hemingway's marriage to Hadley Richardson, his first wife while they lived in Paris and he first began his writing career. I just read Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald and have heard that this book was also very well written about the same era and famous group of authors. I think so far that this book is better written than the Zelda Fitzgerald novel, although the Zelda novel had a more authentic Jazz Age/flapper voice while this is a polished novel even when Hadley or Ernest speak. I've never liked reading Hemingway and frankly don't quite understand why everyone finds his life so fascinating. I guess I thought in reading this novel I'd figure that out. I almost don't want to finish it because I know the train wreck is coming, and suffering through Ernest Hemingway as a husband even through the written word is quite a punishment. 

I do think this author does a nice job of portraying what Hadley must have felt and what it might have been to be inside that marriage. I find any book the pursues marriages interesting.  I think I may be burnt out of the 20's just now, but would recommend it if you like that era, those writers, or a well written book about marriage. 

This has to be short, I've got a baby to breastfeed and a beer to drink-but go visit Jessica and make sure to check out what everyone else is reading! Yay geekery!