Ever have a bad day and immediately begin to rethink all your major life decisions?
Why does that always happen?
I feel like I've had a couple bad weeks with this sickness going through our house and all that entails. The lack of sleep, the cancelling of plans, the never leaving the house, and the backload of laundry and cleaning it all produces.
I'm starting to regret that we didn't plan any kind of vacation this summer. Of course, its mainly because Nora's so small and any hope of sleeping together as a family in a hotel-like situation would never happen. Max is also at the oh-so-fun stage of hating to ride in the car for more than twenty minutes. Couple that with his apparent inability to go out in public and not scream at the top of his lungs every 3 minutes and we're not the best tourists.
Since both our families live close to us we have no real reason to travel. And, more importantly, it makes for much fewer willing participants open to take in a family with 5 kids under 7 for a fun sleepover. It just feels like logistics, like gravity, are simply working against us.
I don't want to this to become a huge moan-fest over what a drag a lot of kids can be, but it feels really tough right now just getting out of the house let alone going anywhere on a trip! I feel like I must be doing this wrong. Am I not adventurous enough? Am I just lazy? How does everyone else go on such happy trips?
I mean, in theory things will be different soon. Really, I know this year is the hardest because its just really difficult to do things with three small kids, then an out of control toddler, then a small infant. Its just a wide range of time consuming, constant supervision requiring, diaper wearing, breastfeeding children!
I also know that I'm just in need of a change of scene. I'm getting a little newborn-baby-burnt-out. I know this, I've been there four times before. I also know there isn't really a quick fix for this. I want to breastfeed Nora for at least a while longer since she's doing well. But when you live 2 hours from civilization, or even a decent restaurant to go to for a dinner out with your husband, everything requires days of planning, multiple babysitters, and practically a whole day of travel! It makes me want to rethink where I live.
Maybe I do just need to go through all the hoops for one dinner out. I guess I'm just tired of everything requiring so much work and organization. I'm not too sure why I'm not used to this yet, things have required organization and work for a while now. The reality of being tied down has come to a head this week though as my grandmother passed away on the weekend, and now my inability to travel over 7 hours to get to the funeral has me irked.
Anyway! I'm trying to talk myself out of making dramatic, life-changing decisions right now as I know I'm in that awful headspace of self-pity. Even though I want to jump to making decisions because it drives me crazy when people just wallow instead of looking for solutions.
I'm fairly certain I should just calm down a little and pray a little more. And resist my urge to just watch British drama all day while letting the kids scavenge for their own cereal.