Thursday, March 22, 2012
I'm hitting the "Lent" wall people!
Ok, I think I've hit the "Lent" wall.
It seems like everything got much harder this week. And of course, I'm blaming Lent. Oh Lent. Why are you supposed to be so purifying? And so downright difficult!
I thought I was doing pretty well this Lent up until this week. I had done three weeks where I was concentrating more on fitting in more bits of prayer where I could. Less tv for all. More cuddles. More smiling when I felt irritated. More laughing at random potty accidents.
But apparently my road to sainthood can only last three weeks. This week everything seems ridiculously hard. Each day has been a "tough" mom day. Those days where you can't go 10 minutes without having to attend to a toddler crisis, a bad fight, discipline issue, or a fussy baby who needs you and only you. Obviously every mom has those days. I've had them before of course, and they're usually long and exhausting and sometimes send me into fits of bad mood-ness. But this week has been one tough day after another and has left me in a huge bad mood. The kind of bad mood that sees everything in life as a big problem to be dealt with.
Not only is it all the mom stuff, but its the me stuff too. I've got forgiveness issues. More like not wanting to forgive-issues. I've needed to go to Confession for at least two weeks, and each time I can get to Church the priest has been unavailable or I've had to do music for Mass. I'm feeling crumby everywhere.
And just for good measure I'm also going to blame the weather for not being sunny, warm, and spring-like. And of course the government for attempting to put through a ridiculous education law that just makes me plain angry. So that about covers the whole gamut of the blame game right?
But to be completely honest, doesn't all this tough stuff sound vaguely appropriate for Lent? Aren't I supposed to be welcoming the hard, purifying trails that make me holier? If only the trials that make one holier weren't the crumby, annoying, and difficult parts of everyday life. Its just more evidence that God is really trying to infuse more holiness in me, in my life, in my family. Lent is long, I've got a good couple weeks left, it might be this hard for the duration. Am I going to try and persevere to Easter? Absolutely. Will I get grumpy and ignore graces along the way? Absolutely. Am I alone in my life of small trials, am I alone in my heart of sins, grudges, selfishness? Thankfully not.