Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Reason number 58,980 why its hard to be a mom...
Another reason being a mom is hard: the every day part.
Doesn't that sound ridiculous? But I think that's really what it boils down to alot of the time. You just can't take a personal day or even call in sick when you're a mom. I mean sometimes we get a nice break when planned or appointed, but the days where you're just in an awful mood, or don't have enough sleep, or things go wrong just can't be scheduled for.
Yesterday I had a perfectly awful day. And for no apparent reason. The kids were pretty much their normal selves, random tantrums of two year olds included, but I was screaming and yelling all the time. Or so it felt. I felt like I had turned into Kate Gosselin. And that's a bad day my friends.
But today was great! Figure that out! I almost never lost patience, had the kids out all day, no yelling, I felt great and not guilt filled and awful like yesterday. Its this bad day/good day stuff that is ridiculously humbling.
Do I think it would be different if I worked? No. But I do think that staying at home and being around your children all day ups the odds on your children seeing you at your most awful and weakest. I think it really is a huge human frailty thing, as in unavoidable and inevitable. So much so that I wish I could have gone to confession yesterday to rid myself of all my anger, loss of patience, and big fat sins of the day. However, it does help your self awareness alot! Would I notice all my impatience and anger without my kids around? Probably not. The vocation of mother seems to involve a lot of this humbling/self evaluation cycle on a daily basis. It really makes me wonder if such stark reminders of one's frailty and weaknesses are encountered in other vocations. Well, I'm sure they are, but they probably don't come in the small yet very vocal package of a two year old!